'Allow patients to vote each other off the ward': 20 Hilarious anonymous suggestions to make hospitals better

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Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Oct 23, 2024 5:00 PM EDT

If you could change just one thing about your local hospital or doctor's office, what would it be? 

Many people would immediately know the answer: shorter wait times! No one wants to spend long hours in the waiting room while they're feeling their worst (not to mention having to hang out with a bunch of other people who are coughing or sneezing). Other people would suggest better hospital food, or a quieter room without beeping or having to deal with a roommate behind a curtain. There are plenty of helpful suggestions one could make, and below are the funniest, least helpful suggestions out there. 

It all started when the NHS (National Health Service) of England put out an open call for suggestions to make their service better. They did this via an online anonymous suggestion site, and we all know the internet cannot take anything seriously. People had hilarious suggestions, like banning apples since they keep doctors away, or turning down the heating by a single degree. You can check out some of the funniest examples compiled by @llwtydeer and other X users down below. 

Up next, have a laugh at these staircases that are going to make a few people go airborne, like one person who noticed that a flight of stairs "aren't attached to the ground." 

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  • 01
    @llwtydeer A Thread of Suggestions from the Public from the NHS Consultation
    via @llwtydeer
  • 02
    Cinema tickets on the NHS From "Your ideas for change" Go to the project Cinemas need a boost- often empty post pandemic. We need hospital beds. People like films. People have mental health issues. Solution- the NHS rents out empty seats in cinemas so people can watch a film whilst they're waiting to be seen or under observations. Win win?
    via @llwtydeer
  • 03
    Make this dog the new health secretary From "Your ideas for change" Go to the project
    via @llwtydeer
  • 04
    Allow patients to vote eachother off the ward. From "Your ideas for change" Go to the project Everyone knows rest and relaxation is crucial to effective recovery. Thus if one patient is being needlessly disruptive to others experience then the patients sharing a ward should be able to vote them out.
    via @TobiahsJ
  • 05
    Turn the heating down 1 degree From "Your ideas for change" Go to the project After spending several days in an overly hot ward and hearing both patients & nurses complain about the temperature, it struck me if heating settings were lowered by 1 degree across the NHS then a huge amount of money would be saved annually.
    via @llwtydeer
  • 06
    Free monster energy at secondary school level From "Your ideas for change" Go to the project ERD S an SU RO SU ZERO BU ZERO SU zcan su ZERO SUGA ZERO SUGAR ERD SUG ZERO SUGAR ZERO SUGAR MONSTER ZERGY E ERO SUDA CRO SU MONSTER ENERGY ZERO ULTRA ZERO SUGAR MONSTER ENERG ZERO ULTRA As we all know, back in my day milk was given to kids to help improve their bone structure and teeth. But these days with the stress of homework and the poor sleep schedules of these kids it would be give to pop them a l
    via @llwtydeer
  • 07
    NHS for pets From "Your ideas for change" Go to the project ... Research says that animals have just as many feeling as humans do. Many faiths are vegetarian. Why don't we have an NHS 4 Pets or an NPS. Pet bills are so expensive- vets are a rip off. I think that we should extend the right to free healthcare at point of use to our furry friends.
    via @llwtydeer
  • 08
    Replace GPs with Al models Amon Gus • 15 minutes ago Al can work long hours and help more people 11 0 0 PROPOSED
    via @llwtydeer
  • 09
    Do away with computers From "Your ideas for change" Go to the project What do we think? How will it affect us?
    via @llwtydeer
  • 10
    Name badges From "Your ideas for change" Go to the project Calls all Doctors, Doctor Who. It will save millions of pounds in name badges alone and all letters and emails can then be mass produced so saves time as well!
    via @llwtydeer
  • 11
    Replace ambulance sirens with healthy eating advice From "Your ideas for change" Go to the project Replace ambulance sirens with healthy eating advice
    via @llwtydeer
  • 12
    Diana, Princess of Wales statue for all NHS buildings. From "Your ideas for change" Go to the project Got to remind Charles of what he could have had. The cheating dirty slag. By having a Princess of Wales statue, we will bring two cherished institutions and help heal a divided nation, and being joy to people. Also in every pro-Labour area is a statue of Baroness Thatcher, so people can be reminded of how grateful they can be for working for her as she helps shape the economy.
    via @llwtydeer
  • 13
    Tax over 60s more From "Your ideas for change" Go to the project Over 60s are the primary drains on NHS resources. They have also benefited from asset appreciation and better economic conditions during their working life. They need to pay their fair share ...
    via @llwtydeer
  • 14
    build hs2 so people can get to hospitals quicker From "Your ideas for change" Go to the project ... better public transport means people can get the help they need quicker and easier. imagine having to get to a specialist hospital far away and only being able to take slow trains. hs2 would fix this. we should build hs2 in full so someone in leeds can get to a hospital in london quicker than the average nhs waiting time
    via @llwtydeer
  • 15
    NHS limousines with chauffeurs From "Your ideas for change" Go to the project NHS
    via @llwtydeer
  • 16
    where am i From "Your ideas for change" Go to the project i don't know where i am does anybody know where mavis is
    via @llwtydeer
  • 17
    Give me the NHS's budget From "Your ideas for change" Go to the project Give me the NHS budget then, I'll not run off to Europe so it'll be 100% safe with me.
    via @llwtydeer
  • 18
    Get Rid of Britain From "Your ideas for change" Go to the project Just get rid of it. Nothing good has ever come from Britain and it would reduce NHS spending which is an added bonus.
    via @floschechter
  • 19
    CRAB RACING TO BECOME TREATMENT FOR MENTAL HEALTH From "Your ideas for change" Go to the project WE SEND ALL DEPRE N PEOPLE TO SCARBOROUGH OR STAFFORD FOR CATGACATING EXARSERDRAY CRAB RACING FUN
    via @llwtydeer
  • 20
    Delete the NHS 'ideas for change' website From "Your ideas for change" Go to the project it's radicalising people against universal suffrage
    via @llwtydeer
  • 21
    TURN BUCKINGHAM PALACE INTO A HOSPITAL From "Your ideas for change" Go to the project BUCKINGHAM PALACE VERY NICE LOCATION FOR HOSPITAL
    via @llwtydeer
  • 22
    Ban Apples From Hospitals From "Your ideas for change" Go to the project ... An apple a day keep the doctors away? I want my doctors in my hospitals, not away from them! Keep the menacing fruit away from our poor doctors.
    via @_hillyk
  • 23
    < 164/1994 > put me in charge From "Your ideas for change" Go to the project I have some bright ideas and a can-do attitude, I think I have a good crack at this. Give me a good few months and I reckon I could sort this mess out
    via @floschechter

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